The alarm woke me up this morning in the middle of a beautiful dream. I was pregnant and in a happy relationship. I woke up with a smile and hallucinated for a second there. While I was enjoying the moment I was distracted by the crazy memories of the gay man I dated unknowingly and how sweet love turn into a mystery.
He was a good looking fitness freak and had swag. He was everything I was looking for in a man and was loving. When we met I was from a bad relationship and had decided to date again. Meeting him at a friend’s birthday, I was looking forward to love again. He introduced me to one of his good friends to interrogate me and ask me if I’m employed and what I am looking for in a man, you know how these things go. I was so confident that I had met my match and someone who loves deeply.
There were no signs of him being gay or being bisexual. He would hold me and kiss me, we would go out together and it felt so good. We would dance and laugh together with his friends, everything was gorgeous. There was no sexual contact in the relationship so I never got to see what happens there. One time after a rough night, one of his friends approached me and asked how we were doing, “we doing fine thanks” that’s me responding to the question. He went on to mention how we would never bond with his friend the way any couple would and that he was not into me the way I thought. He felt he should share with me before I got attached and be hurt in the process. I kind of thought the friend was jealous because he was single and maybe wanted me for himself.
Coincidentally, that night I thought we would do more than just kiss, you know what I mean. We had been abstaining for some time and I felt I needed to get some. I invited him over to my house instead, we had some wine, watched a movie and then one thing led to another. “This is not working out” he said, I asked why and he told me he has no idea but he is not getting any response from his man maybe we should try something else. In my mind, I am thinking it must be the wine or something. I did not ask what he wanted to try because I feared the worst. So it did not work out for me, he was just not responding at all. From that day the kisses, laughter and dances started being awkward. We had more silent moments that telling stories. The night outs ended up being his friend & I gossiping and I would end up with more information on my relationship.
My eyes were opened and I would even see friends I knew in media circles whispering and it would reach my ears. One friend asked how I was coping because the guy I was with was gay. I just did not want to believe my ears or the rumors doing rounds. It was so shocking I did not even have the energy to ask him if it was true. The words of his friend started playing through my head and I just had to ask him why he said we would never bond with him, he was not into me. He could not give me a straight answer but asked me how our relationship was sexually, that question made me lose my breath. I asked myself if the brother was hoping to heal himself off or he wanted a confirmation of his status. I could not understand why he behaved the way he did. I have so many gay friends, they act girly but him, he was too damn straight for me to even suspect foul play.
I had no energy for the relationship, we grew apart and I had to forget the crazy moments I had with him. Sometimes I convince myself that he did not want to be known he was gay, he preferred being surrounded by gorgeous women instead. There is no problem with being gay, we live in a world where no one cares really what people are doing.
There are things that we enjoy in a relationship but I do not think I would have enjoy being cheated on with a man. My joys turned into sorrows, twice beaten in a short space of time. I was blinded by the love and did not see the tiny signs around me. Love is sweet when given in all honesty.